insomniac...

howdy peeps....

here i sit at 449am trying to go to sleep. i woke at 9 something yesterday morning why am i still awake? i love insomnia. i like the way that my brain wont shut off and keeps thinking about shitty stuff i dont want to think about. for example...tonight...i kept thinking about scarlett (my last dog) and how she left us. if you dont know the story this is what happened. she was diabetic...she was only like 7 which is pretty young for a schnauzer...anyway her diabetes was starting to make her blind and finally she was pretty much completely blind. following the advise of trusted drs they suggested we have a surgery for her eyes which is generally pretty routine and will help her to see again. anyway, this was right about the time my mom had just moved off, and it wasnt that much after i had separated from my ex, generally just a bad time in my life...so i took her in early valentines morning to have her surgery, against my gut feeling. Scarlett was usually pretty cooperative about visiting drs but on this morning, she did NOT want me to leave her. she grabbed my shoulders when i was trying to hand her to the dr. It was very upsetting...needless to say, i had to go to work and was going to leave early to go pick her up after the surgery. I had been at work about 2 hours and i got a phone call. it was the dr and he said ' i have some bad news, scarlett didnt make it. she was under the anesthetic and suddenly her heart just stopped' i almost lost it because those of u who know me know that my dog is like my child. anyway thats the story and for some reason tonight i cant get that out of my head. then i started thinking about maggie. she still needs to be 'fixed' and i am so terrified to take her in to have surgery. i dont know what to do because they say that if you have them fixed they live a longer and healthier life and are less likely to get mammarian (sp) cancer. but im scared shitless to ever let anyone ever put any of my animals under anesthesia ever again. its like something clicked in my brain and now im terrified. ugh... why am i thinking about all this tonite? its weird. anyway i took a xanax about an hour ago and i drank some milk....hopefully i can get a few hours of sleep before i go try to change the brakes in my miskata

today i had fun. jen, leslie and i went to eat at joe t's and then went to garden ridge and got cool candles and pots and i got this awesome canvas of a record. i'll post a pic of it soon. then we went to the dollar tree lmao and then we went to the movies. We went to see "the island" god i loved that movie. it truly kicked ASS!!! and scarlett johanssen is flipping hot in it too lol. maybe thats why i keep thinking of scarlett cuz of her name. hmmm... who understands how my brain works.. anyway after that we snuck into "charlie and the chocolate factory" it was really cute too. i would recommend both of those movies. altho willy wonka reminded me of what i would imagine jacko is like at neverland. lol

ok im off to battle the insomia with my sheeps from serta or whoever they work for lol.


later taterz